Archive for life

Meet Grandma Wilma

I have told you about my Walker named Wilma, but not about the woman for which she was named.

Well, without further delay, grab a shot of Bailey’s and enjoy.

My mom’s mom was not you typical mother or grandmother.

Wilma Bell Hensler was born on November 16, 1921 in West Virginia and the only girl out of 4 children.

She was quite the tomboy growing up and loved her beloved Cincinnati Reds until the day she died.

When she was ready to move out and start life on her own, she boarded a bus, and moved to Dayton, Oh.

It was quite a bold move for her, but she she wanted to live in the “big city”.

Apparently “Big” is relative.

She worked as a legal secretary and did well for herself.

She married my grandpa and they had my mom when she was 35.

My mom is the only child she would ever have.

She adored my mother, but could never really tell her.

She wasn’t one to freely share how much she loved or appreciated you to your face.

However, if she didn’t like you, she had no problem telling you.

Love was not easy for her.

Her 2 failed marriages added to her struggle.

Her first marriage ended bad.

As in my grandpa was married to another woman at the same time.

Umm, yea, that’s a deal breaker.

Her second husband was a self proclaimed “Male Witch”.

Yep, Grandma sure knew how to pick em.

Now that you know about her I will share with you some of the things she did.

I promise, everything you are about to read is true.

She named my mom Christina Sue in case she wanted to be a stripper she could go by Tina Sue.

She used to be a piano bar singer.

When I was about 5 years old I remember her flipping me off from across the room, because she knew I could do nothing about it.

When I was about 9 she taught me to play domino’s and we would play together and do shots of Bailey’s.

YES  – 9 years old!

She had a GIANT poster of Tom Selleck on her bedroom door.

She loved her some Magnum PI!!

She had a sign hanging in her car window that read “Sexy Senior Citizen”.

She colored on eye brows on with a number 2 pencil.

She wore bright blue eyeshadow and hot pink lipstick.

After reading all of these things you are probably thinking, YIKES!!!

Don’t be too quick to judge.

Here is what you don’t know.

She let us sleep over whenever we wanted to.

She let us have whatever we asked for.

She spoiled us rotten.

She came to every Grandparents day festivity our school offered.

She was funny.

She picked us up from school every day for years and stayed with us until Mom or Dad got home from work.

She was wounded.

She thought my mom was the second coming and could do no wrong.

She thought my sister was brilliant.

She thought I was just like my mom.

When I grew from teenager to adult we became friends.

I learned to appreciate my quirky grandma.

I loved going to her house and cooking and cleaning for her.

I loved visiting her at the nursing home.

I am so thankful that I was able to sit at her bedsidewhenshe was unconscious before she died.

She died about 1 month after my miscarriage.

I miss her.

I wish she could have met her grandson’s.

I wish she could see the kind of mother I am, good or bad.

If you are blessed enough to still have your grandma (or grandpa) take  a minute to thank them.

Love them.

Hug and kiss them.

Spend time with them.

Cherish them.

Regardless of all of her untraditional characteristics, I would not change a thing about her.

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Road to Recovery Part 2

Here I am, 2 weeks 2 days post op.

I am doing as well as can be expected.

My walks are getting longer,

as long as 25 minutes long sometimes.

I am learning a lot.

I am learning to rest.

I am learning to wait.

I am learning that pain from back surgery is much different than I expected.

I had my sutures removed 2 days ago.

I am very happy to take a shower w/o having to cover my incision.

My incision is gigantic, 8-10 inches long.

I don’t feel like writing, so I will go for now.

I am grumpy.

I am tired.

I am longing for visitor’s, but don’t want to talk on the phone…

AT ALL!

I am really hard on myself right now.

I am obeying my doctor’s orders.

That is all I can stomach writing for now.

Thank you for your continued support and prayer.

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Today

Today I am missing:

Running with my kids

Playing in the sand box

Dancing

Exercising

Sitting in the grass

Playing catch

Riding my bike

Jumping

Hopscotch

Long walks

Today I am learning:

Patience

Kindness

Faithfulness

Self Control

Hope

Trust

True joy

Today I will:

Spend hours talking with 2 special boys

Play make believe

Blow Bubbles

Make jokes

Tickle

Sing

LOVE

What are you doing today?

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Living and Learning

Fact : I love my boys. I would die for my boys. No question.

Fact : God loved his son. He loved him enough to offer Him as a sacrifice for me. He sent his son as payment for my sins. WOW! What amazing love.

On December 19th last year, while on our way home from a family Christmas party, Noah prayed to ask Jesus in his heart. It was an amazing, humbling, precious, loving, deeply touching, life-changing moment in the life of our family. To see God grab ahold of Noah’s heart at the young age of 4 changed my life too. By God calling Noah, he awakened part of me that had been asleep for quite some time. It renewed my desire to really get into his word and SEEK Him with purpose and intent. Before then, I would read the Bible and study the word, but it often felt like homework. Ya know? I desired to learn more about God, but I don’t think I had a burning desire to do so. Now, don’t get me wrong, I daily struggle with the desire to sit and read, but I think the part that has changed the most is my desire to understand what he means. Nothing in life, past/present/future, happens by accident. NOTHING. There are NO coincidences. NONE!
As I reflect on Easter this year, my heart is in a different place. It is as if God has flipped the switch to “on” and I need to know more of him. He has changed my desires. As I let go of some of the control issues I so DEARLY cling to, I feel free – not scared. Not afraid. Not alone. I don’t feel like the world is going to end. I don’t feel like it won’t get done. I feel fulfilled. I feel at peace. I feel calm.
A few weeks ago the boys got a playset for the backyard as a combined birthday gift from my parents and sister. I told the boys when friends come over to play it is important to show them God’s love while they are playing. I explained that many of our neighbors do not know Jesus, encouraging them to share Jesus with their friends and how important that was. Well, Noah took my instruction and has made it a point, on his own, to ask each friend if they know who God is. Most of the time they have either changed the subject or acted irritated. The other day, this happened:
Noah: Do you know God?
Friend: No.
N: Did you know NO ONE IS BIGGER THAN God?
F: I am bigger than God.
N: No you are NOT!
F: Yes I am!
N: *tears* Mommy, F said she is bigger than God! Can you tell her she is not. She needs to know how much God loves her.
Me : F, come up here and sit with me on the porch for a minute.
F: *Joining me on the porch* What?
M: Noah is right, No one is bigger than God.
F: Nu-Uh! I am bigger than God.
M: Did you make the tree’s?
F: No.
M: God did. Did you make the sky, ground, birds or flowers?
F: No.
M: God did. HE made everything and he made you. HE loves you!
Then F changed the subject. I dropped it and explained to Noah how important it is for us to share God’s love with our friends, but he is the one who will make them understand. That is not up to us.
It has been so convicting to watch Noah talk to his friends about God. He has no fear. He has a pure, childlike faith. It is beautiful.
During this time of pain in my life, I feel so blessed. I wish the pain would end and I could be more active and get back to living like a 31 year old instead of an 80 year old. I wish I could get back to completing my weightloss goals, but that is not what God wants for me right now. The pain and restrictions have taught me a great deal about God. About His love. Pain brings many gifts. He has made me more aware of suffering. More aware of those hurting. More aware of HIS work. It is as if He has visibly taken me out of the equation. It is ALL him. It is All His work with in me. It is a blessing. I pray, when the suffering is over, I will NEVER forget what he is teaching me.
Happy Easter.

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A year in review!

We are nearing the end of another year. How the crap did that happen? I have no idea. This year has flown by so fast and as I reflect on 2009 a few things come to mind. SO… I will reflect for you here and now…
In October we almost lost our dear, precious Collin. As many of you know, he was in the hospital for 6 days with pneumonia. I thank God every day for healing him. The night we decided to take Collin to the hospital was difficult. We kept calling our pediatrician, “ask a nurse”, Children’s hospital and other doctors. All of them said his breathing was rapid because of his fever. I knew, in my heart, that something else was going on. When we arrived at the hospital and they swept us off to a room, I got scared. I believe that if we hadn’t made the decision to take him in that night, he would have died. Thank God he didn’t. Thank God for giving us wonderful care at Dayton Children’s. Thank God for saving our boy!
In August, I began homeschooling Noah. It has been something we wanted to do since we began discussing having kids. The journey has been amazing. I think the greatest gift of homeschooling will be learning how Noah and Collin learn. When we started school, Noah could hardly draw a stick figure. As of this week, he was able to write several words and draw several things. It is so great to watch him learn and to see the lightbulbs go off. What a blessing!
In October, Aaron and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. It is hard to believe we have been married almost an entire decade. He is a wonderful husband. He loves his family and works so hard to provide for us so I can stay at home with the boys. He was promoted to supervisor and is thriving at work. I am so proud of him.
Currently I am dealing with some pretty intense back pain. I am thankful for the prayer and support I have received. It is frustrating to be in chronic pain, but thankfully, I am optimistic. It seems this year has brought a lot of depression in my life. I have prayed that God would take that and I really feel like he lifted that weight off my shoulders. Praise God!
This year has also brought the gift of new friends. Last May I attended a Moms Night Out event. It was a lot of fun and I met some really nice mama’s! (Love you ladies!!)
In the upcoming year I look forward to launching 2 new blogs (stay tuned) as I continue to discover new parts of myself.
I want to thank you for reading my blog and sharing in our journey!

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I was just thinking…

I am sitting in my living room. The boys are watching a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse DVD. I am tired, but rested. (Is that possible?) Roxi the Pug is on the floor vent for our heater, the most coveted spot in our entire home when it is cold out. My mind is racing from one thing to the next and I am struck by how much of my time is spent thinking about stuff that doesn’t matter. I am constantly re-working situations in my mind. You know, the “what if I would have”, “I should have”, “I can’t believe I” thoughts that are not used for learning, but for tearing oneself down. I am stuck in this rut, again, of feeling like an utter failure. I am not saying that for pity, but because this is my blog and I can say whatever I want to get off my mind. I think with each passing year I am getting more and more discouraged with some area’s of my life. I feel so emotional at times, much like the CRAZYirrationalhormoneinducedemotional rollercoaster I rode during my junior high school years. It is so strange. I remember times of discouragement in my youth. Times of feeling like no matter what I did, no matter what my intention or how hard I tried, things seemed to fall flat. I don’t know how to explain it exactly. I am just frustrated I guess. I feel selfish for these thoughts and feeling this way. I am so richly blessed. I have a devoted, hard working fhusband. Two wonderful, healthy and amazing boys, pretty much everything but the white picket fence. Why should I feel unsatisfied? Why? I have more than I ever wanted, yet I feel sad a lot of the time. I know a lot of these feelings have to do with knowing winter is fast approaching and I will be stuck inside for 5 months and that is very difficult for me. Also, Saturday is the 5th anniversary of my due date for our first child. It will be a difficult day. A day where the rest of the world moves along at a normal pace, but my world comes to a stop throughout the day when I think about this precious child I never got to hold.

I know I need to rest in God, I am trying, but it is a struggle. So, if you are like me and you need to find peace search for answers in the Bible. Seek his wisdom and comfort. Rest in Him. I know I am going to try to.

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Hello, my name is Becky and I wear a size 14

Here it is… When I began my “journey to a healthy lifestyle” I was a size 22. I was teetering on size 24 and God grabbed a hold of my heart and led me down a road of self discovery.

This pic was taken on Nov 19, 2006. I had a 2 1/2 year old, a 6 month old, acid reflux, a poor body image and I was broken. I turned 28 the day before this pic was taken and I was no where near the mother or wife I wanted to be. I was limited by my self-loathing and fear pretty much controlled my every move. So, I started counting calories, but MOST importantly I gave a lot of the issues that kept me in that “fatsuit” over to God. I say “most” because I still have a long way to go.
Fast forward to a 61lbs weightloss and a new lease on life. Then I hit a wall, well, almost died acutally. In short I lost January 2008 – about a week ago to a smattering of health problems. Those of you who are new to this blog should check out my entries from last Aug – Sept to catch up.
Anyway, I have gained a little of my weight back, but not even a quarter of what I lost. I am frustrated, but diligent in looking for a way I can work out while still giving my body time to heal. Today I went shopping for jeans. A gig many women hate! I have a newfound appreciation for finding jeans pre kidney surgery. Now I have to hide my muffin top while making sure the waistline of my pants doesn’t rub or put pressure on my still healing incision. GRR! Well, I was convinced I was going to have cave in and get a size 16 or 18, I was SSOOO happy to get 2 new beautiful pair of size 14 jeans, 1 -Gap 1 -Old Navy. I was in a size 12 or 14 when I had surgery. So I am well aware I am still dealing with what I see in the mirror vs what is reality. Someday I will hit my goal and when that day comes, I am having a HUGE PARTAY!! And you are all invited!! WOOT WOOT! (PS I did tremble when I posted my sixes, but I am trying to realize that it is a size NOT my identity!!)

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