Archive for becky

I am precious in His sight! Wow, He is talking about me!!

I need to remember to walk through life with confidence.

It is so easy to forget.

The confidence I need to cling to comes from God.

It really has nothing to do with me.

I am a useless rag that he GRACIOUSLY loves.

I have NOTHING to offer him.

Yet He LONGS o have a relationship with me.

How easy is it for me to go an entire day without thanking him for the life He has GIVEN me.

How easy to get angry, feel entitled, feel better than someone else..

How easy.

How quickly I forget how much has been sacrificed for me.

How I really DESERVE Hell,

But I have been GIVEN Heaven.

How I need to TRUST in His promises and not the things this world offers.

How happiness is is only FOUND in Jesus.

How unconditional love is offered FREELY!

And in abundance.

How I am forgiven.

I am loved.

I am cherished.

I am desired.

I have been formed fearfully and wonderfully.

I am His child.

He is my Father.

I am not alone.

I am a precious in His sight.

Praise God.

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Girlfriend trip!!

Next week I will be in Tennessee with 3 of my dearest friends.

We will…

Share stories.

Laugh.

Drink wine.

Play.

Sleep.

Rest.

Stay up late.

Time to read.

Time to write.

Time to study.

It will be amazing.

There will be no husband to cook for.

There will be no children to meet the needs of.

I will miss them.

A LOT!

But, I will come back in better shape than when I left them.

I will find sweet refreshment in being with my girlfriends.

I C.A.N.N.O.T. WAIT!!!

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Who am I

Yesterday I got a call from my friend David asking if Aaron and I would be able to sing at church on Sunday.

(He is not only a friend, but our music leader at church.)

Anyway, he asked us to see “Who am I ” by Casting Crowns.

It is a beautiful song.

It is a song that stays with you long after it is done playing.

Well, it does for me anyway.

If you have not heard the song, go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQzhdWJFHbI

and hear/see for yourself.

When you think of how BIG God is and how tiny you are it leaves you in awe of His

majesty

love

grace

mercy

and so much more.

Lately I have been thinking about the reason this season of pain has been so “easy” in a way.

I have dealt with a boat load of medical issues in my history, but this time, (since my back went out on Dec. 15), has been so different.

The answer is, I think I am learning to trust in the Lord with all my heart..

I feel like I have laid on the road and touched the edge of his garment and found healing.

Deep healing.

Healing for my soul.

For so long I have trusted God at face value.

I have known in my head and heart that he offers unconditional, sustaining love, but the difference is:

NOW I believe it.

It has truly transformed my thinking.

I feel it oozing from my pores.

I feel it pouring out of my mouth.

Nothing else matters.

So as I was reflecting on the words yesterday I fell in love all over again.

So, who am I?

I am a child of God.

I am his.

I am willing.

I am waiting.

I am in awe of his love, mercy and grace.

I pray that he will use me.

I pray for a willing heart.

I pray.

A lot.

I am learning to trust in him.

He has carried me through this difficult time.

He has met each of our needs.

Trusting that he will do as he says takes away all fear and worry.

Praise God.

He is the Lord of all the earth and he cares to know my name, he cares to feel my hurt.

Amen.

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Road to Recovery – Part 3

I don’t know where to begin.

After assessing the X-Ray taken this morning, my surgeon, said I am doing great and even noticed my weightloss.

All pins, spacers, screws are in place.

On the left side – the bone is growing at an expected pace.

On the right side – the bone is growing at an accelerated pace.

Yippee!

I am now able to drive, lift up to 25 lbs, sit as much as I want to and take a bath.

WOOT!

This was my first post-op appt with my surgeon.

It was great to talk with him about my surgery w/o the presence of morphine like when we last spoke @ the hospital.

He said that he would never forget me.

He said, in surgery, as he was beginning to see what was going on in my back, he thought it was not to bad.

However, once he was able to see all that was actually going on, he could not imagine how much pain I must have been in for my entire life.

He said he had never seen anything like my back.

This is something coming from a surgeon who has been in practice for my entire life and is an approved doc for the President, (has been since Reagan).

He knows his stuff.

The fact that he will remember me is amazing, not because I am so wonderful, but because it might help someone else.

Praise God.

He was almost in tears when we were talking and his sincerity was nearly palpable.

I was in tears thanking him for taking my case and giving me so much relief already.

I know that God is the one who is doing the healing and guided his hands during surgery, but this is the man who God used.

Living with chronic pain is a difficult thing.

Of course there is the pain that never goes away, but there is also the psychological pain that comes with it.

You feel a bit crazy at times and question if you are really feeling as bad as you think you are.

You are teased and questioned.

You are given a TON of advice, whether you want it or not.

You are looked at like you are crazy.

Once you get your diagnosis you feel validated.

You feel like you have proof, finally something in writing.

Something to prove to the world that you aren’t vying for attention.

In fact, the attention that comes from chronic pain is another kind of pain.

A pain in the neck. 🙂

That being said, when a doctor looks into your eyes and says he will help you, it elevates you to new heights.

It gives you hope.

For so long I lived with the idea that I would just have to live with pain.

Now I am struggling to imagine life without pain.

I think of all of the people who aren’t as blessed to have a problem that has a solution.

It makes me want to strive to serve those people.

To be their arms and feet.

To help carry their load.

To be a servant to all.

My challenge to you is, will you?

Will you sacrifice some of your time to help someone who is in need?

So many of you have done just that for me.

Whether it be helping with the kids, bring a meal or paying someone to clean my home, it is service.

For that I am eternally grateful.

Thank you!

Happy Monday.

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My babe magnet

So, yesterday my dad took the boys and I to the mall.

I was on a mission.

My mom’s birthday is right around the corner and I found a great sale on the item I wanted to purchase for her.

(Yippee for online shopping. Boo for shipping charges.)

Anyhow, the boys and dad stopped for a smoothie sample and I trekked on w/ Wilma, the walker.

Yes, tennis balls and all.

Now, let me tell you, I have taken ol’ Wilma for a spin at the mall before and have gotten some interesting responses.

I expect people to look.

I mean, it is only natural to check out a 30 yr old using a walker.

Those stares don’t bother me.

I have experienced a commonality with the older population walking with canes and walkers or even wheelchairs.

A warm smile or how do ya do.

Always kind and friendly.

I have even been looked at, up and down and stared deep in the eyes as if the person was thinking,

“How DARE you. Ya big fake.”

Nothing comes close to the encounter I had yesterday.

So, I was walking alone when this skyscraper of a man came toward me.

He asked, “How are you doing today?’

I said, “Fine, thanks.”

I smiled and kept going.

He came up to me and asked,”Can I be your Boyfriend.”

Ummm, he is like 40 years old.

He might as well have held up a sign asking me to check yes or no.

I said, “What?”

He asked again.

I told him, “No, I am married.”

He said, “Too bad for me, your husband is a lucky, LUCKY man.”

There is only one explanation, Wilma is a babe magnet.

She makes this recovery look sexy.

GGGGRRRRRROOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLLL!

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Dear Erin, I am sorry…

This one goes out to you, my $5 friend…

When I was in the hospital, one of my dearest friends came for a visit.

It was a nice long visit and such a blessing.

While she was there, the nurse came in to do a dressing change.

She is one of those CRAZY people who love anatomy and nasty incision stuff.

Knowing this, I invited her to watch and check out my incision.

Um, EWWWWW!

Well, I need to formerly apologize to her for what se saw.

Ya see, I HATE incisions.

I think they are nasty and gross and have no desire to look at them.

So, Tuesday, when I had stitches removed I realized just what she saw.

I will set the scene.

The nurse instructs me to lower my pants a bit and sit in a chair.

I raised my shirt so she could remove the sutures.

She removed every other suture first.

After assessing the incision was well closed she continued by removing the remaining sutures.

She started on the top of the incision and worked her way down my back.

Then it happened.

She had to SPREAD MY CHEEKS!!!

That is right.

The incision totally gives me an extended butt crack.

So that is why I need to apologize to my sweet friend Erin.

I am so sorry you had to look at my naked butt!

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Road to Recovery Part 2

Here I am, 2 weeks 2 days post op.

I am doing as well as can be expected.

My walks are getting longer,

as long as 25 minutes long sometimes.

I am learning a lot.

I am learning to rest.

I am learning to wait.

I am learning that pain from back surgery is much different than I expected.

I had my sutures removed 2 days ago.

I am very happy to take a shower w/o having to cover my incision.

My incision is gigantic, 8-10 inches long.

I don’t feel like writing, so I will go for now.

I am grumpy.

I am tired.

I am longing for visitor’s, but don’t want to talk on the phone…

AT ALL!

I am really hard on myself right now.

I am obeying my doctor’s orders.

That is all I can stomach writing for now.

Thank you for your continued support and prayer.

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