He Carried Me

Okay, here goes.

I have been sharing how God is mightily

Working in my life, moving mountains

And giving me opportunities to conquer fear.

Today I want to share with you a major fear I can cross of the list,

Well, mostly.

If you know me, you may know how afraid I am of guns.

With much encouragement from my husband,

I was prompted to face my fear.

Let me explain, I was not just a little afraid of guns,

I was a shakey mess of tears at the thought of hold a gun.

No joke!

When we went in to the gun store where we eventually took our course

I left unable to speak, crying, and barely keeping

Down my breakfast.

We were only there to register for a class.

I didn’t touch a gun.

I didn’t hear one fire,

But knowing I was surrounded by weapons,

WAS. TERRIFYING.

I thought I would pass out.

That led me to more doubt and fear that I would actually be able to

Face the fear, let alone conquer it.

I had about a month from the day we signed up for our class

Until the moment of truth

When we actually took the class.

The class we enrolled in was a 2 day ordeal.

One day of class instruction and

Half a day at an outdoor range.

I wouldn’t talk about the class,

Until a few days before.

I couldn’t put words to the enormity of the fear.

I didn’t want to think about it,

Let alone talk about it.

My husband encouraged me to hold a gun.

Just to prepare myself a little bit.

But I just could not bring myself to do so.

So we went to class.

The morning of the class, 

God washed me with his grace.

I slept well the night before.

I woke up refreshed and ready to learn.

Ready to face the day ahead.

It was truly amazing.

The class was a long 8 hours,

We both learned a lot.

 I made it the entire first day…

Without touching a real gun.

It was fine.

It was actually more than fine.

It was a sweet time with my wonderful husband.

To God be the glory.

Day 2, that is another story.

That is what I thought anyway.

To my surprise, it was not that bad!

At all!

We spent some time in the gun shop talking about different guns.

It was all quickly overwhelming me and

I felt the pink leave my cheeks,

My heart began to race,

And the entire room went fuzzy.

There it was.

FEAR!

I held the tears as long as I could,

But the pressure of the water,

Broke the dam of my mind.

The tears started to stream down my cheeks.

I felt Aaron’s hand grab mine as he encouraged

Me, with words of affirmation

And scripture of truth.

I went to the bathroom and I let the tears flow.

I started to freak out and considered leaving.

I almost let the fear consume me,

AGAIN.

But then I remembered,

1John 4:18

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.

For fear has to do with punishment

And whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

I started confronting the fear with the truth

And promise of this verse.

I am not perfect.

I am afraid.

Why?

I am a child of God.

And God is perfect.

He is LOVE.

He is pure.

Because I am His,

I become like Him.

He is at work in me.

I can see growth.

I can see Him becoming more,

Becoming bigger than me.

Daily.

In small ways.

This is where comfort lies.

There is no punishment in that.

There is

Love

Redemption

Peace

Grace

AND HOPE!

I knew in that moment,

He was bigger than the fear of shooting.

He was asking me in that moment,

“Do you trust me, my child.”

And I answered, outloud in a bathroom in the middle of a

Gunshop, of all places.

YES.

I believe you.

I trust you.

And you know what??

Not only did he carry me.

He showed His power.

He granted me comfort.

Focus.

And in the end

A conquered fear.

I would not go so far as to say I loved shooting.

I would not say it is how I want to spend my free time.

Nope, not at all!

But I can safely say that fear has been sent into the pit of hell.

I feel confident that I can handle myself

Around a gun.

I do not think I can fully explain the enormity of this

Moment, but trust me when I say,

God moved.

I am one step closer to flying.

Advertisements

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Glad to read this & looking forward to seeing you at quad. 🙂

  2. 2

    Loura said,

    I have not had such a deep fear of guns as you, but they always made me nervous. Ryan took me to a range once, where there was instruction before hand. I kept thinking, “Am I really about to shoot a gun?” My hands shook badly, and tears welled up, but I think it is a skill worth knowing.

    Guns are scary because they frequently do such harm in the wrong hands or in accidents. Good for you for facing your fear!


Comment RSS · TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: