Ready To Fly

In need to write.

For me, to write is to process.

I have so much to share, so much to unwrap

As God had been doing some major work on me lately.

I don’t know where to begin,

So I will just start.

I feel so raw, so vulnerable.

So ready.

Ready for change.

Ready for surrender.

Ready to live.

Ready to fly.

Over the last several days,

Longer really,

God has graciously, lovingly

Been showing me a major sin issue in my life.

I live afraid.

I have acknowledged this as a sin,

But not done anything about it because,

Well, I am afraid.

I know it makes no sense, but it is the reality of the situation.

I am afraid of almost everything.

My fear can be paralyzing or subtle,

It can be loud or quiet.

The fear of surrendering this fear to God

Is scary because it means I must trust.

Trusting is hard.

Truthfully, I can’t imagine life without fear.

Honestly, I can’t picture it.

I have been reading

One Thousand Gifts

By Ann Voskamp.

I have been awestruck by the way God

Is using the book to speak directly, into my heart, to

The sin which He wants to weed out of the garden of my heart.

Seriously.

It is unreal.

So I write to you, to tell you I am making the commitment

To trust God,

To walk through the thick mud that resides in the deepest

Chambers of my heart.

I will get dirty.

I will want to stop.

BUT I cannot.

I will not.

Because if I do,

I will be rejecting the prompting

Of the God of the universe.

The God who sent His only Son to die for me.

The God who is not a God of fear,

But the God of LOVE!

As the days and weeks go on

I will share the journey that brought me to this post, this decision.

I have gone back and forth, whether or not I should write about this,

But I feel pressed to type the words.

I know I am not the only child of God that struggles with sin issues.

We are all sinners.

I know how alone I have felt for the last few months,

And I am beginning to see why.

I pray my journey will encourage you.

I pray God reveals more of Himself to you during this process.

I ask you, dear reader, to pray for me.

Pray for vulnerability, consistency, and daily commitment.

Last night, I broke my silence to a dear friend.

I shared the struggle I was having.

God brought her to me last night,

And I am so thankful.

I will share more of that story in another post,

But I want you to know she prayed for me,

The night before,

Not by name, but in faith that God would bring someone to her.

I am that someone.

I do not know what is going to happen in my heart,

But I will trust fully, intentionally

That God will carry me as he does all of His children.

I will leave you with the overwhelming,

Chest pounding,

Breath-taking

Realization

That God laid upon me last night.

If I live afraid,

I do not trust.

If I do not trust,

I do not believe.

If I do not believe,

I call Him a liar.

Oh the audacity, that I , a child,

Live in that reality.

My lack of trust, my active and all consuming fear reduces

GOD,

My Father,

My Savior,

To liar.

Oh how the ugliness of sin in its raw form pains me to write.

That is why I must change.

That is why I must walk through this journey.

Oh how sweet life without fear will be.

I believe HE has the power to tear down the walls,

Of a lifetime and layers and bondage of fear.

For I know He desires sweet communion.

And, my friend, I long to see more of Him and less of me.

Here goes…

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3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    cathy said,

    Excellent Becky! Fear is a helpless feeling, and we are never helpless with our LORD! He gives us His Spirit for Comfort, and for guidance, so there is never a moment we do not have HIS full support! He will lead you along life’s path, which is to lead us into eternity and Truth! ♥

  2. 2

    Erin said,

    Love. You have me blinking away tears (again). Fear has no place, just no place at all, at your table.

  3. 3

    Lori Frank said,

    Make ready the path He sets before you… as He has plans to prosper you!
    I love you Becky and hold you to the light, the light that is in each of us because of Him and pray that Holy Spirit and faith will carry you. I hold you in the Light of Christ knowing all things will come to understanding in His sweet time.


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