Deep Questions… Conversations.

This is Noah.

In the picture above, he was helping me lay out quilting pieces.

He is always helpful, really.

He loves to help cook, clean and fold laundry.

He always has, and I am so thankful!

For the last couple of days he has been thinking about

Some pretty deep things.

Questions I am answering openly and honestly.

I don’t know why he is thinking about these things,

But I am so glad he is talking to me about them.

Yesterday he asked me a lot of question about the baby I miscarried.

His sibling.

My first child.

He wanted to know, what happened.

He wanted to know how big she was.

He mentioned how long people live and how our baby

Only lived a short while.

He want to know how the doctor “got the baby out of my belly”.

How the baby died.

What the baby looked like when they took her out.

Where the body was.

The questions came as if being projected from a machine gun.

The bullets hit my heart and penetrated.

The sweetness of his honesty softened their blow.

The thoughtfulness and innocence fell like a salve on my wounds.

I was honest, I didn’t belittle the gravity of the situation.

I told him the baby, died and that we didn’t know why.

I told him there was not much of the baby left when they removed her.

I told him I honestly didn’t know what they did with the baby.

While my thinking has changed and I have moved through the grief

And consider it a joy to have felt the signs of life growing inside of me,

This question was hard for me.

I wish that I would have properly buried my baby.

However, I live in the reality that there is nothing I can do about that.

God has showered me with His perfect peace and allowed my healing

So I can openly talk with others about the loss.

Praise God.

In addition to this conversation,

Noah wanted to know:

“Who made God?”

“Do people grow up in Heaven?”

“Do babies go to Heaven?”

I love his sweet heart.

I treasure our conversations, silly or deep in thought.

I am thankful, beyond words, for my sweet boy.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Dumeta said,

    Kids, honesty, sweetness, tenderness, love, and patience from a wonderful mother who takes the time. You both were blessed in this conversation.

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