Unbalanced

Last week I had the privilege of attending the

Worship God ’11 conference with 9 other members of the worship team from our church.

It was a wonderful time of fellowship, great food and rich learning.

Today I plan to sit down with my notes and try to unwrap the gifts I was given last week.

The only down side to this conference was that it was far from home!

Without the boys.

At times I felt disoriented by my lack of responsibility.

I was a hot mess during one lunch and

Had to leave the table and allow myself a big ol’ ugly cry.

The truth is, I missed the boys terribly.

It was not good.

I was challenged by my friend, Lori, who spoke to me gently about the need for me to live balanced.

I was spending so much time missing the boys, I wasn’t embracing the time I had alone with my husband.

Let me explain something, Aaron works a lot.

Yesterday he got off work early, around 2:30.

At that point, he had already worked 40 hours, in 4 days.

That is pretty normal for him, so the fact that I had an opportunity to spend 4 days with him

Was a gift and I wasted much of it sad and feeling alone.

This thinking pushed me to deeper crevices of my heart.

Hidden area’s that I don’t like to explore.

The parts of me where I know my priorities are out of whack and I have replaced

God with other things.

I think it is normal to miss your kids when you are away from them.

However, I don’t think it is healthy to be reduced to a puddle every time you think of them.

I need to remember I was a wife before I was a mother.

I need to treasure my relationship with my husband and enjoy his company more than that of my children.

Even more, I need to hold tight to the hand of God.

I need to miss Him so deeply when I am not spending time in His presence

I should feel disoriented by the loss of time with Him.

Truthfully, I do not.

Days can go by, with only a few words spoken to Him.

Why?

Because I am sinful.

I let things cover Him like a cloud.

Wow.

The truth is hard.

It is hard to swallow and even harder to digest.

How do I change?

 I will make intentional decisions to spend time with Him.

As for my husband, I am going to work hard at making him a priority again.

I am so thankful I serve a God who knows my heart and loves me anyway.

So today, I will make changes.

One step at a time.

One day at a time.

If you ever feel like it, ask me how I am doing with these issues and how I am trying to be balanced.

I would really appreciate it!

 

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1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Jim Weller said,

    Becky,

    Growing closer to your husband can only make you a better mom. Eventually children grow up and leave home. More than what you say or even do they will remember the intangable things, the feeling of the presence of your love for them and of the the love you and Aaron share. Those unspoken blessings will carry them through many storms and trials and will serve as a template for their own marriages as well.

    Balance in my definition is “the art of constantly making tiny adjustments to maintain stability and a centered life.” As in riding a bike, constantly looking at your feet or looking over your shoulder to see where you’ve been can lead to pain and injury. When bike riding you must look ahead, focusing on where you are going and avoiding obsticles. Fewer accidents occur when you are slowly stuggling up a hill than when are rapidly coasting down one. You know that The One who has plotted your course is worthy of your absolute trust. Enjoying the presence of the one He has chosen to ride beside you is one of God’s greatest blessings.

    Mom and I are always willing to watch the boys so the two of you can enjoy your ride together.

    Just don’t get “two tired”. I hope that I didn’t “saddle” you with too much and sorry if I “spoke” out of turn but that’s the “brakes”. 🙂


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