Resurfacing

Sometimes life gets hard.

Sometimes it is easy.

Sometimes it is unbearable.

Within the last few weeks I have been closer to the  edge of rock bottom than I care to admit.

I was falling deep,

Hurting deep,

Crying deep,

And drowning in the waters of my sadness.

It sucked.

Plain and simple.

I felt hypocritical and angry.

BUT I couldn’t shake it.

I was functioning, doing all I had been doing, but only out of obligation.

Then spring break happened.

And so did my mental break.

When the day to day routine of school stopped, I was left with TIME to think.

All day!

I couldn’t handle it.

I broke.

BIG TIME!

I slept a lot.

The kids watched tv.

ALL.DAY.LONG.

I couldn’t function.

Here I sit, near 1 a.m. and I wait for sleep to find me.

I feel like I have resurfaced from the depths of what weighed me down,

Thank God.

However, the truth is I am still struggling.

I still feel tired, sad and like I am one step away from revisiting the low.

I can say that God has been faithful to me.

He has been there in the dark, holding me.

Do you know how I know?

Because if he weren’t here, I would not be here.

Plain and simple.

I don’t know where that leaves me,

Nor do I know why I am in this place in my life.

I do know that God will use my struggles, so that makes it worth it.

I generally feel like I am a mess.

I am thankful for the joy returning.

Thankful that I feel like parts of me are returning.

I am thankful I have regained the ability to speak to

My husband.

My sister.

My parents.

My friends.

I am so sorry I was not the mommy, wife, sister, daughter, or friend I should have been.

I apologize, if I hurt you during this time.

I think I am still in the process of resurfacing, but I think I ma bobbing up and down in the water.

I pray the Lord continues to heal my heart.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: