A Sunday Laugh For You!

My first guest post!

Written by my sister, Jenny Weller.

My sister is hilarious.

Plain and simple.

She shared this on facebook, her response to one of those “100 things about me” things that is always floating around.

Enjoy!

 

1. Last beverage→ liquid

2. Last phone call→ cellular

3. Last text message→ “Jenny you are my hero and someday I hope to be 1/2 as amazing as you.  WHo am I kidding… 1/4 as amazing may be more attainable.”  (Well, that’s the next to last.  The last one made me sound too arrogant.)

4.Last person you went out to eat with–> Does leaving my apartment and heading to separate destinations with a neighbor at the same time count?  I say yes!  I mean we did nod and smile at each other!

5. Last time you cried→ Well, if you know me then you know I cry like a baby all the time.  In fact, this question made me tear up a bit.  Hold on, I need a tissue…

 

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice → I have found that the key to remaining single is to avoid second dates with anyone.

7. Been cheated on? → Well, in first grade there was a monkey bar race and the other girl started before anyone said start!

8. Kissed someone & regretted it? → Again, if you know me AT ALL… you know I am a very “live in the moment and who cares what the consequences are” kind of girl.  I LOVE being vulnerable.

9. Lost someone special?→ Oh my goodness, one time my grandma and I were at the mall and she was getting on my nerves because she only wanted to try on velour jogging suits.  So, I left her there and then got distracted and forgot which store I left her in. Fortunately, a nice family found her roaming the aisles in her fuscia ensemble and they paged me on the intercom!

10. Been depressed?→  Once, I was on the bottom bunk and my sister was on the top bunk and it fell through and she and the mattress landed on me so I would say …. YES!  My whole body (except my left foot) was depressed.

11. Been drunk? – Been?  Give me a few hours for this liquor to absorb into my body and then I can answer yes.

 

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Vivid

13. Pale

14. Understated

 

 

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends→ I find that keeping the old ones is way cheaper!

16. Fallen out of love → If by love you mean the basket of a hot air balloon with that very name that glides through the skies  above the scenic Jersey Shore, then no.

17. Laughed until you cried → No, but I have cried until I laughed.  (Note: See question 5.  I am a basket case.)

18. Met someone who changed you→ My mom did all the time when I was a baby!  Seriously, what a dumb question.  Do they assume she just let me stay in the same diaper for nearly 3 years.

19. Found out who your true friends were→ If you have made it this far, then you probably qualify.  That, or you have way too much free time!

20. Found out someone was talking about you→ All the time.  I am quite remarkable.  Someday I am going to follow in Oprah’s footsteps and buy every single TV network so everyone can talk about me ALL the time.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list→ All but two.  What can I say, it was a New Year’s resolution and I am VERY task oriented.

 

TRUTH:

23. How many kids do you want to have→ Well, I wouldn’t mind one who knew how to wash dishes right now.

24. Do you have any pets → just a renegade rodent who I am trying to kill

25. Do you want to change your name→ I did but then I found out “Snookie” was taken

26. What did you do for your last birthday–> I haven’t had my last birthday yet… or have I (insert suspenseful creepy organ music here)

27. What time did you wake up today → It was weird, it happened at the exact moment when I stopped sleeping.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night→ See question 21

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for → again, I am task oriented so see 21

30. Last time you saw your father→ When we were guests on Maury

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → I take everything too seriously!

32. What are you listening to right now → my netflix que, I can’t type and use the remote at the same time

33. Are you dating someone at the moment–> Well, I am waiting to get #21 out of the way so I don’t feel tied down.

34. What’s getting on your nerves right now? → That this is only Question 34.

36. Whats your real name → If you don’t know then why are you reading this … STALKER!

37. Relationship Status → Please be more specific.

38. Zodiac sign → say wha?

39. Male or female → I am one and would like to find the other.

40. Elementary→ My Dear Watson

41. Middle School → In between the other two

42. High school → No, it was an average sized building.

43. Hair color → Depends on the season

44. Long or short → long or short what? relationships, hair, socks, pants, sentences…

45. Height → how tall something/someone is

46. Do you have a crush on someone? → If you are male, single and reading this… then its you.   Call me!

47. What do you like about yourself?  This list is too long to type. (see #3 and #20)

48. Piercings → 82

49. Tattoos → 17

50. Righty or lefty → ambidextrous– I even used both hands to type this.

 

FIRSTS :

51. First surgery…well, birth was somewhat intense.

52. First piercing → in utero

53. First tattoo → A profile shot of William Hung

54. First best friend → Well, if they were really the best then there wouldn’t have been a second.

55. First sport you joined → geriatric skeet shooters

56. First pet → Gypsy (this one is true)

57. First vacation→ My grandpa took my flying over the oceans on the swing in his backyard

58. First concert → Black Sabbath when I was 4, my parents were always dragging me with them

59. First crush→ In a can, I was pretty young.  I just liked it because it was orange.

60. First alcoholic drink→ By the time you get to the last one, who can remember the first?

 

RIGHT NOW:

61. Eating → caviar and spray cheese

62. Drinking → Dom Perignon and Coke

63. I’m about to → complete my New Year’s Resolution

64. Listening to →  William Hung and Justin Bieber’s new duet

65. Waiting for → the ability to understand anything Mike Tyson says

 

YOUR FUTURE :

66. Want kids? to do what?  again, I need more specifics

67. Want to get married? it depends on whose asking…

68. Careers in mind?  Wow, in my mind, I have been so many things… an artist, writer, window washer, inventor, roller skate adjuster…

 

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE ? — I am not answering these because this heading makes no sense! As you can tell from the above answers, I don’t like to waste time with frivolous things!

69. Lips or eyes →

70. Hugs or kisses →

71. Shorter or taller →

72. Older or Younger →

73. Romantic or spontaneous →

74. Nice stomach or nice arms →

75. Tattoos or piercings—

76. Sensitive or loud →

77. Hook-up or relationship →

78. Trouble maker or hesitant→

 

HAVE YOU EVER :

79. Kissed a stranger → Technically, I always introduce myself first so I have to say no.

80. Drank hard liquor → No, it has always been a liquid.

81. Lost glasses/contacts → I have never worn either.

82. on first date → This makes no sense.  I think we are missing a word here.  I can only assume that word is “sneezed” and the answer is yes!

83. Broken someone’s heart → Only my own.

84. Had your own heart broken → Never

85. Been arrested → felony or misdemeanor?

86. Turned someone down → yes, the man begging for money in nice name brand clothes and designer glasses.  Hey buddy, at least look the part.

87. Cried when someone died → I cry when ANYONE dies.  (See #5 and #17)

88. Liked a friend that is a ? → Oohhh, intrigue.

 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: I don’t know about these options but I DO believe in Life After Love, after love, after love.

89. Yourself →

90. Miracles →

91. Love at first sight →

92. Heaven →

93. Santa Claus →

94. Kissing on the first date →

95. Angels →

 

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Why narrow it to one?

97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → I try to keep it under 12.

98. Do you believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever?→ faithful to what?

99. What’s the one thing you cannot live without?→ toe socks, you can have anything else.

100. One thing that most people don’t know about you → I bleach my skin.

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2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Erin said,

    Jenny, I am cracking up. And listen, you could out-Snookie Snookie any day, if you wanted to. Believe it.

  2. 2

    P.S.
    I have an award for you/your blog. Stop by my blog to get it.


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