Note To (My Old) Self

Recently Hubs and I cleaned out the attic.

I came across some old journals and poetry I had written.

It really got me thinking about what the

31 year old version of me would tell the me of years past.

I can’t shake it, so I will blog it.

Here goes…

Dear Becky,

You are 12 years old.

Cnflicted.

Confused.

Overwhelmed.

You think you are unlovable.

You think you are enormous.

You think you are alone.

YOU ARE NOT!

You ARE self centered.

You can’t see past the image you see staring back at you in the mirror.

You are not what it is all about.

Spend more time looking to God for answers rather than seeking them within your mind.

You are seeing a distorted view- AT BEST!

Don’t worry about boys so much.

You should not worry if anyone will date you, you aren’t even allowed to date for 4 years.

Relax.

Play games.

Ignore your fears.

You are now 14, life is going a mile a minute.

You are wearing 2 hats.

You are shy at school, out going at church.

You need to know you are funny.

You are kind.

You are sweet.

You need to be hugged.

Reach out.

You don’t know everything.

Don’t try to act like an adult.

Put your guard down.

Let yourself feel things.

You are 16 now.

Big changes have happened.

The world looks different.

Talk to someone about your sadness.

Deal with your pain.

Seek advice.

Eat something.

Don’t try to control everything.

Stop making yourself sick.

Really!

Bulimia is not the answer.

It will not fix anything.

Your weight is not the problem…

It is an outward manifestation if an inward problem.

Don’t worry if you will find love.

Enjoy your girlfriends.

Live!

You are 18 now.

Big things are happening.

Life is moving too fast!!

A lot will happen this year!

Be careful of the company you keep.

Listen, if someone offers/encourages/hands you acid,

WALK away!

You did well, you turned it down, by the grace of God!!!

His grace alone.

You have a lot more freedom now.

Embrace it, but don’t let it become your focus.

Don’t drive drunk.

Don’t get in a car with someone who has been drinking.

You are risking to much.

You are trying to hurt yourself or worse.

Don’t invest in a relationship with a boy who promises you the world while asking for “things” in return.

Reality is tough.

Life is hard.

Pray.

Look to God.

Talk to Him.

He will never leave you or forsake you.

Stop running!!!!

You are 19 and in love.

This guy is special.

He is THE ONE!

He treasures you.

You know this.

You make big changes.

God is working in you and you don’t yet see it.

Hold on to Him.

Embrace the boy He has given you.

You are 22 and married!

It has been almost a year since you  exchanged vows.

Your world is about to change.

Your back is out.

You have to quit work.

Don’t try to push your husband away.

Don’t ask him to divorce you.

Don’t try to harm yourself.

You have done all of these things and guess what??

He is still here!

You tested Aaron and he did not leave.

It will take you years to believe he is not going anywhere.

There is a lot of freedom in that knowledge.

Stop feeling guilty.

God is working through him to keep you alive.

God is gracious and His love endures forever!

Over the next few years you will face many trials in many ways.

You will face great sorrow.

You will find great joy.

You will realize it isn’t all about you.

You will feel alone, but have a much better grasp on life and God’s grace.

You will learn to put yourself out there.

It will help you have a better idea of who God has created you to be.

I don’t know what the future will hold, but NEVER forget what God has taught you through the life He has blessed you with.

Rest in His promises.

Trust  Him.

Live.

Learn.

Laugh.

Be patient.

Be kind.

Try new things.

Keep putting  yourself out there.

Keep on keepin on!

Love,

Becky, 31

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5 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Susie said,

    Wow,Becky, that must have been difficult to go there – back to life’s most painful times. But, you’ve done good girl – letting God change you in the fear and heartache. Thanks for letting us in on the process. Xoxo

  2. 2

    Susan said,

    Oh Becky, I got chills reading this.

    I found my old junior high/high school journal of a visit to my parent’s house after we had Emma. It was painful and scary to read…and joyful as I realized what God has done in me since then. It was also joyful to shred. 😉

    I love you and am so glad you have realized the TRUTH about yourself. Hugs.

  3. 3

    Dumeta said,

    I love you.

  4. 5

    Sarah said,

    Wow, Becky, thank you for sharing this. Can you imagine what you will someday say to your 31 self?


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