Growing. Learning. Loving. Sharing.

I have been wanting to share this post for a while, but I feel now is the best time.

I am writing from a heart of humility with the desire to share what God is teaching me.

I am struck by how many people have asked or commented about,

even as recently as last week,

how I have handled  living with chronic pain.

The fact is, I have changed my thinking on living with chronic pain entirely.

In 2008, when dealing with my kidney surgery, I failed in many ways.

I grew depressed, weary and unfaithful.

I internalized much of the pain I was dealing with.

I lacked faith.

Plain and simple.

Fast forward to December 15, 2009 when my back went out for the gazillionith time.

I was calm.

I was hurting, but this time it was different.

It was okay.

The difference did not start in my mind, it came from my heart.

After seeing my weakness BEAMING like a neon light on the Vegas strip,

I went to work, in 2009 and asked God to heal my heart.

Grow my faith.

Develop a more godly character.

AND I began to seek His face in all situations.

The good.

The bad.

The ugly.

As always, when you ask God to work in your life, He does.

He gives you a chance to put your money where your mouth is.

Boy, did I get what I asked for!

SO, when my back went out, I was optimistic it was once again temporary.

Well, it wasn’t.

AT all!

As you know, I had surgery in May and am currently in a reconditioning program 3 times a week.

Throughout the pain, diagnosis, surgery and recovery, my load has been carried for me.

Seriously.

I feel like I have sat by and watched this whole ordeal be done for me.

Now, the pain has been real.

The fact that I had to crawl from point A to point B, is true.

BUT knowing this was all part of God’s plan and that He was carrying me, changed everything.

At some point, between kidney surgery t0 back surgery, my thinking was changed.

My heart was softened and my mind put to rest.

Instead of looking at my back going out as a “burden” it became my ministry.

It became the place where God wanted me to glorify Him and share His love with others through this trial.

Amen.

It became a joy to watch Him meeting our needs.

I treasure all of the gifts I was given that I hold in my heart and pray stay fresh on my mind.

I cherish the closeness I felt to my

Father.

Creator.

Healer.

I have never felt closer to Him.

So, when people say things to me, like they admire how I have handled this,

I am humbled.

Through this life altering journey, God has shown me so many ways in which he cares for His children.

He does as He says.

He DID  give me  more than I could carry,

BUT that is so HE could show me how much I need Him.

Praise the Lord!

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