Today is hard

Today is Friday.

It is one of those precious spring days with a perfect mix of sunshine and rain.

It smells like rain outside, but the sun is shining and it warms my heart.

I am emotional today. More than usual. I feel the burden of my current disabilities crushing down on my spirit.

I feel unable to cope today.

I feel tired.

I feel burnt out.

I am not trusting in God today.

I am resting in the comfort of what comes easy.

Relying on my own strength.

Impossible.

Today, a stranger is in my home. A wonderful gracious stranger. She has been hired by a dear friend of mine to clean my home.

Inside my home smells like a beautiful combination of Clorox and Comet.

I feel the wait of my limitations being chipped away from my shoulders.

Resulting in relief and reassurance that God is continuing to meet my needs.

I want to sleep.

I want to rest.

I want the pain to stop.

For now I can’t.

For now I wait for God’s timing.

His  perfect will and timing.

It is hard.

I want to jump off the ride, curl into a ball and jump up to my feet, like in the movies.

I want to run.

I want to play catch with the boys.

I want to push them on their new swingset.

I can’t.

Today is one of those days when I am bound by the “I can’t”‘s and cannot see what God CAN and is doing through my illness.

Today, I feel alone.

Today, I want to cry.

Today, I am not rejoicing.

Today,  I ask for prayer.

Today, I am calling out for God to make the pain stop.

Today, I am aching for Heaven.

Today is hard

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3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    I’m praying that you would sense heaven today…amidst the pain and struggle! And praying for a miracle!

    Love you friend!!!

  2. 2

    Andrea said,

    I am praying for you. I know it is hard and you feel all alone. You are not alone (Cue Michael Jackson Song).
    Rest and in his time the pain will go away. If you need anything once again call.


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