The word that has flooded my mind since I was a very young girl.
A word that, at times, seemed to taunt me.
Seemed to control my thoughts,
And bring sadness as it seemed to stay at arms reach
Never to be part of my reality.
I mourned what this word meant
As it didn’t seem to be part of me.
For years I longed to embrace this word.
To feel it.
To taste it.
To live it.
It was not the right time,
I had to wait.
Nearly 2 years ago, the word invaded the heart of my husband.
It enveloped his heart, the way it had mine.
God joined our hearts deeply in this way.
Two became one.
Nearly 8 months ago, I got a call.
A call about a little girl.
No picture, just a name and a story.
We said yes.
In March, we were matched.
It was official.
She would be ours and we would be hers.
It is like finding out you are pregnant after months of trying.
You are speechless, excited, nervous, joyful, happy.
A few weeks later, we met her.
She was there, in front of us.
Husband. Wife. Daughter.
Flesh and blood.
Heart on her sleeve and longing in her eyes.
I am sure her image reflected ours.
It was amazing.
I will never forget the moment we shared the same air for the first time.
It was beautiful.
It was ours.
It was hers.
A short visit, only a day.
A day, such a special day.
She wanted to hold hands.
My heart jumped.
Later, we said goodbye.
My heart was sad.
A few days later, we returned to her.
The boys joined us this time.
So much unknown.
So much Joy.
We were together.
The day flew by.
So fast, too fast.
We said goodbye again.
A few days would pass and we would return to our little girl.
She would come home with us this time.
Just for the weekend.
It was so good to have her here, we were home.
All of us.
Then we had to take her back.
It was hard.
A few days later, she came for good!
She was home.
Praise be to God.
Tomorrow will mark 19 weeks since that day.
The day where dream became reality.
The last 19 weeks have been unbelievably hard.
There have been so many days when I didn’t think I could make it.
So many battles I just couldn’t fight.
You have no idea just how hard.
So many hard days.
Things are shifting
Things are starting to gel.
We are figuring out how to love her.
How to love her well.
We are finding our needs to be met, daily,
By our great God.
We are finding joy in the little things,
And celebrating all good things.
I feel like my feet are finally finding footing.
I have messages to return.
I have people who love me and have checked on me,
That I just haven’t been able to respond to
Because I was almost unable to breath most days.
I hope, when I look back at this post in the future, I will rejoice in the journey.
I am so thankful God entrusted us with this precious girl.
She is a gem.
She is smart.
She is funny.
She is beautiful.
She is ours.
She is so much like me, at times,
I wonder how she is not biologically mine.
I am in love with her.
I am so thankful that SHE is how God has unfolded
Adoption for us.
As God has been walking us through our journey
He has become bigger to us.
He has shown us so much of how much he loves us
Through the gift of loving our daughter.
He is also opening our hearts to how adoption will be even more
Part of our life.
He is growing another child in our hearts.
We don’t know when, but we are confident that our time,
As a family of 5 will be short lived.
We are excited!!
What a gift.