The Snow Is A Window To My Heart

It has been over a month since I last posted.

It isn’t for lack of fear fighting

Or life happening.

It is, in fact, the exact opposite!

Over the last month, God has asked me to trust him more.

He has asked me to fall into his arms and he has held me.

I have.

It is has been amazing!

Today is the Monday before Easter.

Snow is still falling onto the 6 or so inches that accumulated last night.

I am not a fan of snow.

I do not like it. at. all.

But today, I am making a point to acknowledge the beauty that snow creates.

It really is pretty.

Our dogwood tree would normally be covered in buds, maybe even

Blossoming already.

Oh how I long for the beautiful pink and white flowers that usher in

The fresh promise of warm weather,

Bare feet,

Bike rides,

Skinny boy legs streaming from shorts.

Today, however, I am thanking God for the beauty of this moment.

It is not easy for me.

My heart longs for warm weather,

And my boys are itchin to run free on open fields.

That is not what God has given us.

That is not what He desires for us.

So my heart sits in sin.

The weather is allowing me to see how I put my wants

In front of His desires.

In front of what he has given me.

Isn’t what He has given me enough?

Why do I always want more??

Why do I feel like I deserve warm weather?

When I look at it, I deserve death.

Death apart from Him.

But He has saved me, through no payment or doing of my own.

He has sacrificed His Son, and I am feeling sorry for myself,

Because I have to sit through another snow,

In my warm house,

With my Children,

AND a cup of hot tea.

And I have the audacity to find discontentment

Instead of thanksgiving.

You see, my friend, this is what I have been learning.

God has been showing me how I fall short.

He doesn’t leave me in my mess,

He offers salvation, forgiveness, help, love, peace.

He offers Himself, nothing less.

SO while I sit here this morning,

Trying to be sincerely thankful for the snow,

I still fail.

In my heart, I don’t want it,

Even more, my desire is to be more like Him.

It is a process.

One I pray I will continue to walk through until he calls me home.

As the week goes on, I plan to share some fun we have been having

Around the Dell house.

I know the tone of my posts has been really heavy,

I am not apologizing for it, but I do want to lighten the mood around here.

One of the things God is showing me

Is the importance of balance.

I feel I tend to be pretty heavy on here,

And I want this to be a place where I can share

Fun times and serious matters.

So, my next few posts will be fun ones. :)

In December I will celebrate 6 years of blogging, you think I would have

A better handle on it by now.

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4 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Christy Logsdon said,

    wow, you are steppin’ on my toes :) Good thoughts!

  2. 3

    Kandi said,

    I love this post Becky! Thanks for the reminder. It is days like this when I re-evaluate. I wanted to take the kids to the zoo. I wanted to be outside. Instead, I’m inside, warm and cleaning a much neglected playroom and laundry area. It needed done. Cleaning helps my soul be quiet and listen. This is what I needed. Thanks!!


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