Okay, here goes.
I have been sharing how God is mightily
Working in my life, moving mountains
And giving me opportunities to conquer fear.
Today I want to share with you a major fear I can cross of the list,
If you know me, you may know how afraid I am of guns.
With much encouragement from my husband,
I was prompted to face my fear.
Let me explain, I was not just a little afraid of guns,
I was a shakey mess of tears at the thought of hold a gun.
When we went in to the gun store where we eventually took our course
I left unable to speak, crying, and barely keeping
Down my breakfast.
We were only there to register for a class.
I didn’t touch a gun.
I didn’t hear one fire,
But knowing I was surrounded by weapons,
I thought I would pass out.
That led me to more doubt and fear that I would actually be able to
Face the fear, let alone conquer it.
I had about a month from the day we signed up for our class
Until the moment of truth
When we actually took the class.
The class we enrolled in was a 2 day ordeal.
One day of class instruction and
Half a day at an outdoor range.
I wouldn’t talk about the class,
Until a few days before.
I couldn’t put words to the enormity of the fear.
I didn’t want to think about it,
Let alone talk about it.
My husband encouraged me to hold a gun.
Just to prepare myself a little bit.
But I just could not bring myself to do so.
So we went to class.
The morning of the class,
God washed me with his grace.
I slept well the night before.
I woke up refreshed and ready to learn.
Ready to face the day ahead.
It was truly amazing.
The class was a long 8 hours,
We both learned a lot.
I made it the entire first day…
Without touching a real gun.
It was fine.
It was actually more than fine.
It was a sweet time with my wonderful husband.
To God be the glory.
Day 2, that is another story.
That is what I thought anyway.
To my surprise, it was not that bad!
We spent some time in the gun shop talking about different guns.
It was all quickly overwhelming me and
I felt the pink leave my cheeks,
My heart began to race,
And the entire room went fuzzy.
There it was.
I held the tears as long as I could,
But the pressure of the water,
Broke the dam of my mind.
The tears started to stream down my cheeks.
I felt Aaron’s hand grab mine as he encouraged
Me, with words of affirmation
And scripture of truth.
I went to the bathroom and I let the tears flow.
I started to freak out and considered leaving.
I almost let the fear consume me,
But then I remembered,
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.
For fear has to do with punishment
And whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”
I started confronting the fear with the truth
And promise of this verse.
I am not perfect.
I am afraid.
I am a child of God.
And God is perfect.
He is LOVE.
He is pure.
Because I am His,
I become like Him.
He is at work in me.
I can see growth.
I can see Him becoming more,
Becoming bigger than me.
In small ways.
This is where comfort lies.
There is no punishment in that.
I knew in that moment,
He was bigger than the fear of shooting.
He was asking me in that moment,
“Do you trust me, my child.”
And I answered, outloud in a bathroom in the middle of a
Gunshop, of all places.
I believe you.
I trust you.
And you know what??
Not only did he carry me.
He showed His power.
He granted me comfort.
And in the end
A conquered fear.
I would not go so far as to say I loved shooting.
I would not say it is how I want to spend my free time.
Nope, not at all!
But I can safely say that fear has been sent into the pit of hell.
I feel confident that I can handle myself
Around a gun.
I do not think I can fully explain the enormity of this
Moment, but trust me when I say,
I am one step closer to flying.